


A Contradictory Introspection

by TheCaterpillarCalledLorik



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Aoko's childhood, F/M, This is a prequel to a later work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25640923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCaterpillarCalledLorik/pseuds/TheCaterpillarCalledLorik
Summary: Contrary to popular belief Aoko Nakamori's favorite childhood story was not Sherlock Holmes or even Nancy Drew. It was Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
Relationships: Kuroba Chikage/Kuroba Toichi, Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid & Nakamori Aoko
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	A Contradictory Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> A/N
> 
> So this is a story idea that's been floating around my head for a while now ever since I saw Gosho Aoyama's cover with Aoko as Kaito's (in full Kid regalia) assistant. I know I'm not the only one who wishes she had a bigger part in the story and who wants to see her character interact more with the plot. I Also just really enjoy her character as presented in the manga where she's this smart troublemaker who is quick to the punch but also has these moments where she's almost leading Kaito to the answer he seeks (similar to Conan, actually). I just think she knows and is playing into a cutesy, childish act to reassure him while she waits for him to tell her the truth. She does like tormenting him by sneaking up on him and giving him a scare though, which is top-tier best friendships right there.
> 
> Anyway, this first one's a prelude of sorts. Goes with her upbringing and the relationship she has with Kaito that will lead into the main story that will be her discovering herself and becoming the accomplice/friend Kaito could depend on in his ever-going quest to take down a myth. That's the goal anyway. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Contrary to popular belief Aoko Nakamori's favorite childhood story was not _Sherlock Holmes_ or even _Nancy Drew_. It was _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_. She never knew exactly why. Maybe it was the surrealism that attracted her so much. The zany and outrageous scenarios that Alice had found herself had always made Aoko smile, as it was so incredibly different from the monotonous world she knew. Perhaps it was the colorful cast of characters that resonated so strongly with the lonely little girl. Each scene presented in the book and the accompanying illustrations had never failed to make her laugh, rage and even throw the book across the room in confused frustration. Weirdly enough, it was the most confusing and frustrating characters (the ones she threw the book over) that would leave the biggest impact on her memory, and would often be the sole reason for her re-read.

* * *

Contrary to what her friends Keiko Momoi or Kaito Kuroba believed, neither of them was her "first friend." Aoko Nakamori had met her first "friend" before entering elementary school. She was at a daycare since there was no one to watch her at home. Her father was always hard at work while her mother died shortly after giving birth to her so the only place she _could_ go was a daycare. She was incredibly shy and her lack of experience with other kids left her insecure. It seemed to her that all the other kids knew each other or at the very least, had some experience in associating with people their own age. Maybe their parents were friends or co-workers? Her father had co-workers but he never brought them around the house much, and when they did show up it was never with any kids.

Every time she would build up the courage to ask one of the other little girls if she could play dolls or ask the boys if she could join in on tag, her nerves would seize and breathing would become so much _harder_. She would stand there with her hand raised and her mouth open to say- _nothing_. The kid she was trying to talk to would stand there awkwardly before running away, thoroughly creeped out (she can't say she can blame them). Eventually the kids began to whisper about "that weird girl with the messy hair," and how creepy she was standing there, in complete silence. It was then that Aoko decided that perhaps it was best if she wouldn't speak unless spoken to directly.

The day she met this "friend," it was raining, thus everyone was stuck playing inside the building. Aoko was once again in the far corner of the room reading her books (not _Alice in Wonderland,_ this time). She was approached by this older boy with shaggy, light-brown hair and forest-green eyes. He stiffly introduced himself (she had since forgotten his name) and asked her about the book she was reading. Young Aoko was beside herself with nerves and clumsily introduced herself with a voice hoarse from disuse. She had timidly explain the book in the quickest way possible in case he wanted to leave, and when he stayed minutes after her summary, she was _thrilled_.

Apparently all it took for her to speak was that one instance because no sooner after that day she sought out this boy to talk. He was nice to her and listened to what she had to say regarding her books but would always leave her to hang around the other kids. This was fine for the inexperienced Aoko, as she had never had a friend before and wouldn't want to push her luck by asking him to stay a bit longer or if she, too could join in their fun. Ironically enough, it wouldn't be until _after_ she had talked herself into asking for an introduction that she would hear the real reason behind his leaving all the time.

"You can't come."

"Why? I'll try my best to keep up and you look like you're having so much fun, too!"

"You can't come because the others are scared of you." He flashed her a look of childish pity. "If you come, you'll ruin it."

Well she wasn't so scary when he approached her, now was she? She told him as much and he shook his head vigorously in reply.

"That's because I'm the only one brave enough to talk to you! They even dared me, y'know?" He puffed his chest up proudly but then sank in on himself. He looked around the two of them, seeing if he could spot anybody. "Listen. I think you're pretty nice, even though all you ever do is talk about books but…" He hesitated as if trying to explain something revolutionary. "This is just the way things are, okay? Nothing against you or anything."

It was hard for Aoko _not_ to take it against herself though. If she was nice then why was it such a big deal to join their group? If she wasn't really scary to him than why couldn't he just tell the others? Then again, Aoko Nakamori never had a friend before and maybe this is how it went.

When daycare ended, Aoko would not see this boy again but strangely she still considered him her "first friend," albeit not a very good one. Maybe that's why she had not mentioned him to Kaito or Keiko. Despite not being a very good friend she had to give him one thing: he _was_ the first one to ever acknowledge her.

* * *

Contrary to what her classmates believe, Nakamori Aoko wasn't always the hot-tempered, outspoken, and (seemingly) confident girl she is today. This persona had only sprouted _after_ she met Kuroba Kaito and his family at the ripe old age of 6. She is not ashamed to admit that her life got a whole lot brighter and more exciting with the addition of Kaito. She just refuses to let him hang it over her head by saying it out loud to him (as if he ever would).

No one else-besides the two of them- knows they met in front of a certain clock tower. No one knows that it was the result of Aoko's dad being late again that sparked Kaito's introduction. Really, it was the first time she was ever _thankful_ for her dad's work ethic and subsequent tardiness. If he had been on time she may have never met her soon-to-be best friend nor his incredibly talented family. No one knows how Kaito stayed, waiting with her and entertaining her with magic tricks until _his_ father showed up. No one knows how Kuroba Toichi continued to wait with the two while entertaining them with magic tricks of his own, until her dad _finally_ showed (and neither Aoko, Kaito nor Nakamori Ginzo ever suspected the surprise Toichi-san received that night).

The only thing their classmates remembered was that one day-seemingly overnight- the two of them became inseparable. The daughter of a (then) officer and the son of a world-class magician seemed to be an unusual friendship and yet, they carried themselves like they've known each other all along.

Kaito had a strange way of getting under her skin. She doesn't remember how exactly it started but somewhere along the way he had decided to break this "don't speak unless spoken to," rule she had placed on herself. She doesn't even know how or when he noticed this passive habit of hers-only that ever since he figured it out he had dedicated most of his attention into getting her to snap. He would pull every trick in his steadily growing repertoire on her and he wouldn't stop until Toichi-san intervened and gave him a lecture on how ladies ought to be treated (the _only_ lesson of his father's Kaito _didn't_ take to heart). Despite how infuriating it could be sometimes, Aoko took great pride in knowing that whenever Kaito learned a new trick from Toichi-san he would always show her first and foremost. Sometimes when she was feeling especially depressed, Kaito would even show her _how_ some of these tricks were done. These times had always been particularly special to her. It made her feel like she was in on some big secret- something only the two of them (and Toichi-san to an extent) knew. Toichi-san for all his part had told Kaito "a great magician never reveals their secrets," which Kaito had followed (with the exception of Aoko but that was _their_ secret, now wasn't it?).

It wasn't as if Toichi-san hadn't had anything to do with Aoko-far from it, actually- it's just that his bond with Kaito was understandably much deeper (thus _must_ be mentioned _first_ ) as the two of them reflected each other to a degree. Even at a young age, it was clear to Aoko that although the love for magic was shared between them, Kaito was _very_ different from Toichi-san. It wasn't just Kaito being an immature child either- Toichi-san had carried out his magic tricks with grace and elegance- even when doing something ridiculous, such as pulling a turkey out of his hat instead of the doves people were expecting. Kaito on the other hand, had energy, flamboyance, and so much potential it was downright _blinding_. Only in hindsight would Aoko really appreciate Toichi-san being the father of her best friend, since despite teaching Kaito everything he knew, he never _forced_ him to be the same as himself- only chastising him when he would (often) get a bit unruly.

Shortly after meeting her father, there was some unspoken agreement between the two men that while he was working, the Kurobas were more than welcome to look after Aoko. This of course took her father some visits and invitations to lunches/dinners to "scope out the people," or to "determine their character." No matter how busy he was, Aoko never doubted her dad loved her to some capacity. How the Kurobas won him over Aoko may never know and while this was similar to Keiko and her family, it was the Kurobas that took complete advantage of this agreement.

She got invited _everywhere_. She's read about world famous stars before but some of these events looked right out of a fairytale- one she was not the main character of as Kaito would often say- resulting in an unseen kick under the table aimed his way. The only events she wasn't invited to being the after-performance get-togethers all the performers would attend. Kaito got to go but that was because Toichi-san would never miss an opportunity for his son to meet new people and learn new things.

When an after-meeting would happen, Kuroba Chikage (Kaito's mother) would take Aoko to go get ice cream or to a book shop if asked.

"Let's let the boys have their fun while we have ours, okay?"

Sometimes she'd take Aoko on little "adventures," while Kaito watched his dad set up backstage. They'd sneak in on other acts just so she could tell Kaito she did something he didn't. One time, Chikage-san was caught up in a lengthy conversation with some actress friend of hers and Aoko hadn't wanted to interrupt but she didn't want to stick around either, so she tried sneaking in on one by herself. Needless to say, she got caught embarrassingly fast. The bouncer made such a hurrah about it that when Chikage-san and her actress friend found her, Aoko was near-tears while the man was holding onto her wrist like a vice. Aoko had never seen Chikage-san so enraged before. For a moment, she worried that the hostility was directed at her, the thought made her sob miserably. The moment was gone however, when Chikage-san promptly pulled her away from the man and told him off so sharply the moon eclipsed the sun.

"How dare you frighten a child like that!?"

After the ordeal was over and Chikage-san was sure Aoko was okay, she spent the entire night teaching the little girl what it meant to be _really_ stealthy, so that she'd never get caught like that again.

After Toichi-san's show was over and they were on their way back to the Kuroba household (She would be spending the night there), Aoko was terrified Chikage-san would tell them what happened. Either Kaito would tease her relentlessly or Toichi-san would _never_ invite her to a show again- or both! It was the most quiet she had ever been since first meeting Kaito and boy, did he notice. He pestered her to talk which only made her worry more. She never could keep anything from him for too long. It wasn't until Chikage-san commented how Aoko was probably just tired, made eye-contact with her and winked, that Aoko began to breathe easier. Her secret was safe with Chikage-san.

While Toichi-san may have been a bit cagey when it concerned magic tricks, he did teach Aoko other things like juggling, throwing darts or knives (that last one required close supervision and she'd never tell her dad about it anyway), and showing her all the best ways to hoard various things (she always had snacks on her after this lesson and no one besides Kaito knew anything). While she was eager to learn these things and pretty fast at picking them up, she was a bit jealous of Kaito and all that he could do.

Every time she would learn a new, cool thing to tell him about, he would always have already learned how to do it years before. She understood that he had all his 7 years of life to learn these things but it still grated on her how he always seemed to be 15 steps ahead. The best she could ever hope for was to try to learn any trick he'd (secretly) teach her and pay extra attention to anything Toichi-san- now Kuroba-sensei, respectfully- had to offer. Just _once_ did she want to do something that left Kaito wondering. Something that would really surprise him and with his 8th birthday approaching (honestly, even her _age_ could hardly keep up with him!), Aoko had done all kinds of research on different magicians and tricks that they accomplished (he performs so much for her, she wanted to do the same).

When she read about a particular one, it inspired her to do something similar but with different props and presentation. She had even taken advantage of Kaito being pulled from school earlier that day (he had a doctor's appointment) and built a diagram complete with moving, pop-up figures that had illustrated what she wanted it to look like. There was only one thing stopping her. _She didn't know slight-of-hand_. The pinnacle talent for preforming magic of any kind and she didn't know how! Kaito's birthday was several months away but if she wanted to do what she had in mind, she needed to start immediately. That's if Kuroba-sensei was even willing to train her. Surely for his _son_ he would? She was both hopeful and desperate.

It had become something of a routine for Aoko to head over to the Kuroba house every Tuesday and Thursday specifically for whatever lesson Kuroba-sensei (or Kaito) had wanted to teach her. It was on this particular Thursday afternoon- without Kaito there to pester her with questions about her diagram- that she would ask Kuroba-sensei. She was so excited she had made it down the street from Kaito's house before the realization crashed through her. Kuroba-sensei told her last week that today's lesson was to be cancelled. He had a "previous engagement that could not be put off any longer." Stopping her run, she slumped against the nearest lamppost and sighed in frustration. How could she have forgotten? Dejectedly she trekked her way back to her house.

Upon arrival, she noticed an immediate problem when no matter how many times she turned over her pockets, she couldn't find her house key! With a sinking feeling in her chest she came to the conclusion that she had probably left it at school in her excitement. Hoping against hope that she or her dad had left a window or something open, she did what Chikage-san taught her at all those shows- she looked for any openings. When an hour later left her no results Aoko had resolved to ask her kindly neighbor if she could stay at her place until her dad came back from the Kaitou Kid heist that night. She would have much rather stayed with the Kurobas or Keiko's family but with her detailed diagram for Kaito's surprise she didn't want to risk him figuring it out, and Keiko already had so many siblings that Aoko would feel awful for imposing.

She didn't even make it to her neighbor's front porch before realizing that there was no way the elderly lady was home. All the lights were off and not a single sound came from the house. Once again hoping for the best, she rang the doorbell anyway. After 3 rings and no show, she kicked the door in frustration and held in her tears. Quickly, she thought up another plan, one she should've thought of before.

The school! Surely there would still be some teachers still grading papers there. With a newfound determination Aoko squared her shoulders and (never leaving the diagram behind) raced back to Ekoda Elementary. By the time she made it back to school there was only one light on and the side door was propped open slightly. After taking a moment to catch her breath she summoned up whatever courage she could and jogged into the now eerie-looking building.

On her way upstairs, Aoko passed by a young man who seemed to be cleaning the floors and without stopping, she had yelled to him that she was there and that she'd be back down so "please don't lock the doors!" She ran down each corridor and had even managed to find her classroom unlocked. Hey, maybe her luck was changing after all. She speedily tore her desk apart looking for her key and ended up finding it on the floor in the closet where they store their learning tools (it was behind a shelf in the very back, she must have dropped it while picking up her things). No sooner had she stood up again- key and diagram in hand- did she hear a door slam close and lock behind her. She set down the diagram and frantically turned the handle and only when it didn't budge did the fear truly began to seep in (the closet door locks from the outside so the teachers can monitor who goes in and when. The light switch was also on outside for this reason. She should know this. The teacher explained it to them on the first day, too!). She screamed for the person to let her out, and pounded her tiny fists against the door as hard as she could, but no answer came.

Hours passed and no one came. Aoko tried to keep her hopes up by reassuring herself but her mind had other ideas.

' _Dad will go home and realize I'm not there!'_

Dad was at a Kaitou Kid heist. Kaitou Kid heist equals paperwork. Paperwork equals a really late night or a very early morning.

' _The neighbor will go home, check on me, and realize I'm gone!'_

It's a Thursday. That Obaa-san knows you go to Kaito's on Tuesdays and Thursdays. As for 'realizing you're gone,' she knows you spend the night at Kaito's when it gets to be too late. Sleepovers happen all the time!

Young Aoko was royally screwed and it was all her own fault. After all, she's the one who readily walked into a trap she couldn't get out of. Unable to hold her tears back anymore, she cried herself to sleep clutching the diagram in her arms.

She didn't know what time it was when she heard the sound but it was enough to wake her. The closet door she had fallen asleep on, silently slid open causing her to fall back onto the feet of whoever opened it. The room was even darker than before and her eyes were finding it difficult to adjust but she'd recognize that calming voice anywhere.

"Aoko-chan, we were so worried." Kuroba-sensei picked her up, then picked up her diagram and backpack she had been carrying all the while, and navigated the dark building easily. She had just enough consciousness left to wonder how he got the key to the closet, or how he even knew she was there to begin with before falling asleep in his arms.

As it would turn out the next day (when she woke up to a lecturing Chikage-san and a very confused Kaito), they were worried about her. Somehow they got wind of her dad not being able to make it home from Kid's heist and Kuroba-sensei went to go check on her only to find that she wasn't there (how did he know she wasn't there when all the doors were locked?). Thinking she went to stay with the Momoi family, they called to make sure- only for Keiko's mom to answer with a concerned negative. Then, they had to retrace her steps back to the school and found her, swollen eyed and clutching a diagram like a teddy bear. Anything could have happened to her, really- she could have been _kidnapped_!

Kaito listening in on all of this from his mother (before school no less) was eerily silent. Silent still, even as Aoko explained to Chikage-san her side of the story and how she didn't want to bother anyone if she could just get her key back. Kuroba-sensei was not present for this morning lecture and Aoko had no doubt he was resting from staying up all night looking for her. Her heart sank with guilt and she wondered (not for the first time) if she should even hang out with Kaito anymore, given how much trouble she seems to cause. As punishment per Chikage-san, Aoko still had to go to school that day but only after she had memorized the phone numbers of both her and Kuroba-sensei.

During the walk to school, Aoko hung back several paces from Kaito. Too ashamed to speak or apologize, it occurred to her how she's been really taking advantage of his family's kindness. It was this realization that Aoko decided that Kaito deserved a better friend than her- one who isn't such a mess or gets him in trouble. Without noticing that he had stopped walking ahead of her, she bumped into his back (she probably would have dropped her diagram had she managed to find it that morning). Surely Kaito will tell her now that he doesn't want to be friends anymore.

He looked her square in the eyes and said "If you ever need to break in somewhere, or go anywhere ever again- tell me first."

Aoko stood in wide eyed bewilderment. "What?"

"Take me with you next time, idiot!" he explained while scratching the back of his head. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he were blushing. "Friends tell each other things, y'know!?"

Aoko nodded mutely and clenched her fingers into fists.

Kaito ran ahead of her, stopped and spun around huffing "hurry up! I won't wait for you all day!"

It never ceased to amaze her that despite how many friends she was now making, Kaito had still managed to be better than every single one of them (even if there were times he was annoying with the other boys around). She sped up and couldn't fight the smile off of her face.

The next time Kuroba-sensei offered to teach her a lesson, it was how to pick locks. Like with everything he taught her thus far, she devoted herself to it until she could do it in her sleep. She never got locked out again (it was the last thing he'd teach her).

These memories of the Kuroba family in their prime were absolute treasures to Aoko. Ones she would not give up for the whole world. She only wished it could have lasted longer than the 2 years she got.

Aoko still remembers exactly where she was when she got the news. Kuroba-sensei had a magic show at some adults-only club so neither she nor Kaito could attend. She wouldn't have been able to go anyway because she happened to be sick and stuck at home. As much as she loved hanging out with Kaito, Aoko liked these sick days if only because her dad would take time off to care and cook for her. He was in the kitchen making something while she was settled into a nest on the couch, reading a book while the news played on the television. She remembers the phone ringing and her dad going to answer it while she dozed off.

"WHAT!?" her dad's booming voice had jolted her awake, and when she got up to go check on him, his shocked, pale face had startled her to her core. She had _never_ seen her father so still and quiet (she wonders now if he had reacted worse when her mother died). He listened like he couldn't understand or believe the person on the other end of the line. "Yes, of course we can! Kaito-kun is always welcomed!"

Kaito stayed over that night while Chikage-san had to deal with the investigation (Kuroba-sensei died onstage and for everyone who knew him- they just couldn't believe that. She shouldn't have either).

For months after, Kaito had completely shut down. He never spoke, played or even . . . screamed or cried. It scared her like nothing else ever could. He seemed to live his life in a daze and he spent all his time alone. Cooped up with his father's doves and tools of the trade. Aoko may have felt the loss of a wonderful man and ally but Kaito? Kaito was feeling the loss of his father, teacher and confidant. Kuroba Toichi was everything to Kaito- the world could never compare but an 8 year old, heartbroken Aoko had to try. Even back then, she had refused to live in a world where Kaito wasn't (really) living and she had decided that even if it cost her their friendship, she would snap him out of this daze (he had done so for her after all).

To this day, Aoko never mentions the confrontation that had brought her friend back. The words exchanged between them had hurt worse than any loneliness she could have felt in her entire life- words she has tried to forget but never could. Words that will continue to cut her (maybe for the rest of her life) like small, glass shards that couldn't be removed (These words would be the driving force of the act she would keep up). He hadn't outright apologized for any of them, and she honestly didn't even want him to. He was suffering, and sometimes the best way to let something go was to lash out. It just sucked for her that she was the punching bag he needed (the bad guy that pointed out how Kuroba-sensei wasn't coming home). She'd volunteer all over again if it meant she could reach him.

* * *

Contrary to what he wants her to believe, Aoko knows Kaito is Kaitou Kid. She has all the evidence she needs (always busy, has all skill-sets necessary for the job, timing checks out since she _said_ he wasn't as great as Kid- the idiot may have taken it as a challenge- etc.) it's really just the confirmation she's missing. Whenever she would call him out on being Kid (disguised as a joke) he'd flinch so bad you'd thought he got shot. When her father became suspicious, she tried to create an impossible situation for him-by asking him out at the same time a Kid heist was to take place- one where he would have surely chosen to confide in her rather than deal with the insanity of keeping up the lie. Of course Kaito managed to find a way around that too, and the "date," had not only ended in his favor, but completely backfired against her in a way that left her questioning herself. The truth was, Kaito wasn't the only one who was putting on an act.

When Kuroba-sensei died, everything changed for everyone. He was such an integral part of all of their lives-a loving husband, a dedicated father and mentor, and even a second-father of sorts to Aoko- that he left a craterous void in his wake. A void that Chikage-san, Kaito and even Aoko had tried in vain to fill. His death along with the resulting confrontation with Kaito had left Aoko with a resolve to be what she thought her loved ones needed her to be. The fear of losing them any moment was too much for her young heart to take.

For her father, she would become the doting daughter that was always on his side (even when she would believe him too fixed in his ideals sometimes) she would make sure he never questioned her love for him. He was the only parent she had and from then on, she would do everything in her power to be the daughter he could be proud of. The daughter any inspector could be proud of- just, obedient (even though she felt like bending rules sometimes), and if anyone asked her- her favorite childhood book was _Sherlock Holmes_ and not _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_.

For Kaito she would become the childish best friend who would make him laugh or play along with her "ditzy" nature. To him she wouldn't be stupid but she would also not be clever enough to distinguish a dummy from the real thing (her best friend of 10+ years, mind) in a movie theater, on a "date," while they sat right next to each other, either. So when this exact situation happened and the only options she could have would be:

a.) push him on the subject and admit to being way more clever to his tricks (he _taught_ her them himself once upon a time) than she let on since Kuroba-sensei died.

b.) Let it go and keep her precious act up so that Kaito won't suspect her. So that he could still depend on her to lift his spirits and fall for his pranks.

She never could give up Kaito for anything. So she would keep pretending and continue to be clumsy and unassuming. Despite how much it hurt to not notice how distant he was becoming. How much it hurt to act like she wasn't constantly worried about him because she doesn't even want to imagine a world he wasn't a part of. The pain would only become intolerable when she stupidly fell into a trap that had almost gotten her impaled at a Kaitou Kid heist. He had taken her place and protected her from the blow.

She had tried to use this opportunity (silently begging him to let her help while still acting like he's a stranger) to "uncover" his identity. To push him into admitting it. She knows it was a selfish thing to do. He had taken a hit for her and here she is, still pressuring him but she was desperate. She doesn't know why he became Kaito Kid only that he is. She wants so much for him to stop. Not only because stealing was wrong and he was leading her father around but because it was dangerous. How many times was he shot at? How many police officers-who were not her dad- tried to kill him? Whatever this was about, she didn't want him to be alone. Did he even have any help? She needed answers. His life was quite literally on the line.

He wouldn't let her get the answers she needed even in his critical condition. The revelation that he would rather die than admit to her who he was had struck something deep in herself. It had hurt like nothing else before it. It felt like losing him, and was she any different? Her best friend (and possibly more) was -for all she knew- dying, and she was still trying to be the ditzy friend and loyal daughter Kaito knew her as. She was hiding and so was he. In that instant she knew that something had to give. This had to stop. She couldn't force him to tell her any more than Kaito could force her to stop pretending. Pretending that she wouldn't immediately break rules if she could justify them. Pretending she doesn't sneak out of the house some nights just to wander around the city because she couldn't sleep or didn't want to stay in a house so empty or cold (was it even "sneaking out" if no one other than her was home?). Pretending she doesn't know _exactly_ how many of Kaito's tricks are done because she had figured them out and practiced them in the confines of her home (because she's been enamored with his tricks since day one and learning them makes her feel closer to him in a way she hadn't since his father died). She can't get him to depend on her any more than he'd be able to stop her from wanting him to.

When he invites her out- after the fiasco- and she holds onto him from the back of his motorcycle, she tries to be gentle. She knows he's injured and it's her fault. She also concludes with how quick he had bounced back from being injured that he most definitely had an accomplice. Someone was looking out for him and while that brings a small relief, it stings that it isn't her.

Kaito tells her to hold on tighter or he might lose her and she knows all about that act. The one where they pretend everything is fine so nothing can change between them. After Kuroba-sensei's death she thought this act was for the best only to find that she had outgrown the mask she made for herself.

She squeezes him tighter just to assure herself he's still there. He's still alive. This is real. Kaito, her stupid, amazing, and loyal friend continues to be the best friend she has ever-and will ever- have. He tries so hard for her. Got impaled for her. Shows up to her house the next day to try and spend time with her (and yes, to cover his tracks too but he wanted more time with her before the incident also).

"Kaito is Kaito, after all," She realizes. No matter what is going on he's still one of the people she loves most of all in this world. The one person who always inspires her to be better. She hugs him and she can feel him relax slightly despite the pain he is no doubt feeling (she's trying to hold back without him noticing and she hopes his wounds don't re-open).

Contrary to the role she has placed herself in- she wants to change. She _will_ get her answers and she _will_ either stop or help him any way she can. As for his apparent accomplice (she's long since guessed his identity), she's decided that it was time to pay old Jii-san a very lengthy visit.


End file.
